I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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