is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
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She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
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I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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