this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
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I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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