This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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