It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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