i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
