Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
