It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
