i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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