Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
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I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
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I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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