I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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