We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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