Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
