i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
