Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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