I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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