community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
sick fucks of a feather flock together
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
