I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
