Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
