hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
