No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
