I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
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can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
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The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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