Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
