We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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