I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
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I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a booty call, not a friend.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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