I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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