I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
