Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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