Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
