she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
