just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
