he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
