Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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