her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
