i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
