why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You are the jesus of drinking
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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