this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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