At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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