I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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