peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
