i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
