Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?