If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing