who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out