HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...