she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
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She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
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Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet