Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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