I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Randomize
