in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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