My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
