oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
