God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
