We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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