i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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