well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
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you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
where are my eyebrows?
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