I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just want nice things and good sex
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
