Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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