dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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