I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
