so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
