tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
