I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
