i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My balls are so social today.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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