I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
