Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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