Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
