So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
