hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
