I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
