Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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