you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
