Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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