party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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