when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
