Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
